Upscale Urbanization of Key West

When will Martha be here ... ? Look for her own version

of Key Lime Pie, Conch Fritters and Rum Runners. A large piece of land on the water, nicely gated with a massive yacht anchored behind the principle residence will do quite nicely. Wall street can only dream of such things ... eat your hearts out you suited boys of the money markets, you haven't a chance of such a lifestyle! Martha will be on her television show pulling her lobster and stone crab pots up from the deep with her bare hands, sweating marbles ... demonstrating to all the world how it's properly done. The grouper and snapper must be scaled and cleaned just right ... and well dressed for cooking and consumption after a lovely assortment of Florida lobster and stone crab appetizers. Martha will show us how to do it correctly and with a flamboyant flair ... oh my! Will she flambe my stonies (local slang for stone crabs)? Otherwise it's off to The Green Parrot to get numbed up so all can better tolerate the situation.
Notice Martha has installed golf greens for chipping and putting so she can keep her game nicely tuned.

A Piece of Your Hat Would Make Me a Nice Thong!

Key West is the one place where a man can be what he really wants to be ... and a place where he can feel comfortable being that person. All men love thongs though few at all will be honest and admit it ... ! Fantasy Fest, during the last week of October, provides the perfect setting for the guys to come out and be as they are ... Duval Street is always the heart of Fantasy Fest activities. It is where thong lovers congregate and celebrate their comings and goings and their outings. Men enjoy looking at the ladies parade up and down the famous street nicely thonged and unthatched, so to speak ... and they join in the exhibition. Especially after a few cocktails, when the fellas get up the courage to romp, spectators will get eyes full of sights of men sliding out of their Dockers revealing the smallest and tiniest of thongs. Careful tourists, some of these revelations may not be exactly your cup of tea ... if you know what I mean!

JACK'S LOBSTER TRAP BOAT OUT OF KEY WEST

Snowbirds, amusing to Key West residents, since by far most of us were snowbirds prior to taking up residence on this island, illustrate how we were when we first came to Key West. Those arriving from New England are baffled by the unique lobster here in our warm waters. Upon raising them from the deep they are shocked to see there are no claws ... and they somehow feel short-changed in that they are more an appetizer than an entree. Huge New England appetites are immediately disappointed. They must not dismay, however, because as they ply the streets and boulevards of this paradise they will become intoxicated by selections available to them in the way of gourmet snapper, fish and chips, conch delicacies, key lime pies and groupers. Today's Yankee ... by God, is tomorrow's Conch!

Sunken Treasure Must Go To State of Florida

Of course, any riches deep on the ocean floor that are discovered by locals within a six mile distance must go to the state of Florida. This was not the case prior to the fabulous discoveries by Key West's most famous treasure hunter, Mel Fisher. Once Mel Fisher began excavating his finds the state of Florida stepped in and changed the laws regarding sunken treasures ... reining in the boundary from a twelve mile designation to a six mile legal distance. As expected from government, this would ensure the state of Florida enourmous riches from future discoveries. Now, the question is how much treasure does the state have from all this and what are they (have they) done to clean the beautiful Florida waters including the Everglades?

Conchtoons - Dad, look ... a human turd!!

It's true - things are somewhat dirty around the island when it comes to where to take a dip ... polution warnings are published regularly telling us how dirty or clean our beach waters are and mostly they seem to be too contaminated for swimming safely, so ... when we should be swimming along our gorgeous beaches we are walking or jogging ... when we are walking or jogging we are drinking ... when we are drinking as we walk or jog along we are happy ... we are Key Westers, by God!!! As you can see the cartoon speaks for itself, just without the drinks since there is a kid involved - or does that make any difference?